The Tribune

By FELICITY DARVILLE

IT’S important to celebrate men! They use their brain, their brawn, their wit, and their love to be heroes. Those who do so much for so many deserve to be honored and praised, too – even more so during the Christmas season. They may be even more vulnerable during this time, so it’s important to be aware of men’s feelings and needs, according to Terence Bethel.

“Men and boys find it very hard to process and manage stress,” he told me.

“If this week we hear of a murder or suicide, which are quite common around the Yuletide season, it will very likely be a man or boy.”

Global statistics are readily reflected in our own society:

76% of suicide are men

85% of homeless are men

70% of homicide victims are men

It is for this reason that a group of Bahamian men came together to join hands with men around the world for International Men’s Day. They celebrate boys’ and men’s achievements and contributions; in particular, those made to nation, society, community, family, marriage, and childcare. The day is commemorated on November 19 and has a broader and ultimate aim of promoting basic humanitarian values.

It began in 2017 with a series of meetings as men’s issues in The Bahamas were brought to the fore. The International Men’s Day committee was formed. Keith Cox took the helm as chairman; Terence Bethel, treasurer; Curtis Byran, secretary; and Apostle Henry Higgins and David Williams, both as board members. They set out on a mission to see the lives of Bahamian males changed for the better, one by one. They came up with specific objectives for their committee: valuing male role models; acknowledging the contribution of men and boys; improving male health; tackling discrimination and disadvantage; fostering positive gender relations; and making the world a safer place for everyone.

“For the most part, the world as a society places many expectations on men and often does not equip them with the skills to manage the expectations that we place on them,” Bethel told me.

“We ask men to be leaders in the home while so many are raised in a home where there is no male role model to lead.”

While speaking as the only man at the historic session of Women In Parliament in the House of Assembly on December 11 this year, Bethel shared: “We must not promote the idea that only women are the only victims of gender-based violence, but can also the perpetrators. We must get rid of the idea that if a man is abused in a violent way by a woman that he probably deserved it. We must understand the problems caused by culturally imposed gender roles. Imperatives placed on people because of their gender “a man should” or “a woman should” are a part of the cultural narrative that is not helpful then to resolving issues of inequality between males and females. When we consider toxic masculinity, we must also ask the question is there toxic femininity where women, raising their sons, may treat them in such a way, or influence them by actually saying to them, “women cannot be trusted”. All of this contributes to the undue burden on males in Bahamian society. Sometimes the option taken is suicide. I don’t know why they do but I can identify with some of what we all face.”

Recently, the losses of some of my own male friends have made me realise just how important this is. Last year, my schoolmate Dimaggio Darrel is said to have chosen his own exit from this matrix. His passing shook his family, community, and schoolmates like me who treasured his vibrant energy and jubilant ways.

Dimaggio expressed great love for and took care of all his children - Kallisto, Santina, Dante and Jamia. He also took care of his wife, Tehranique’s children Zhyon and Tekhai like his very own. He gave unselfishly of his time to his children, and his zeal for their success and growth was evident. He approached everything he did with gusto, and his signature big, bright smile.

Similarly, I lost a friend from afar - Guy Bayley. His wife, my dear friend Kate, opened her heart and home to me when I visited the UK. I went to Bath, England, to visit the palace where Emperor Haile Selassie and Empress Menen lived when they were in exile. But I found so much more. The Bayleys were so loving and generous that I gained fast and forever friends. Guy’s smile was bright and special. He made me immediately feel at home. Kate told him that I loved herbal tea and he would make it for me and he and I would have great conversations. Their daughters Skye, Inca, Mollie and Lucia were just as warm and inviting and because of it, they have placed an indelible mark on my life.

During the Covid-19 pandemic, Guy had been on the front line all along. He was doing what he did best – giving, caring and sharing. In his capacity as an anesthesiologist, he had seen so much during his days working at the hospital. It took a toll on him and before you know it, it was time to say goodbye; he had fulfilled his purpose and he did it well. His energy and his love will always be remembered and today, the make a wish drive in Guy’s name is topping 12 thousand pounds, with words of comfort and encouragement coming in for his family from around the world.

Both of these gentlemen had something special. They had an exuberant energy and a bright light. As their spirits live on and watch over their loved ones, they serve as a reminder of how much we need to value and uplift our men. Take the time this holiday season to call up an old friend, hug your uncle, lift up a young boy with encouraging words – do whatever you can to make the men in your life know just how important they are. Life is fragile and full of ups and downs, but we can face them all with bravery knowing we did our best to uplift those whom are entrusted to us to love and care for.

That fact became ever so clear to me on the recent passing of my friend and mentor, Philip Blyden, chairman of the House of Rastafari and Priest of the Ethiopia Africa Black International Congress, also known as the Bobo Shanti. He left us on November 30. He was a walking history book; well knowledgeable and articulate in Affairs ranging from pan Africanism to Caribbean history and politics. He was a professor of art at Akhepran International Academy, a contractor, and a man of many skills and talents. As Priest Zebulun Anafu said during a recent tribute to Priest Philip, a library has burned down with his passing.

He was the subject of a Face to Face with me this past August. We made an agreement that we would work together to produce a book and documentary on the history of Rastafari in The Bahamas. I thought, after his passing, that I would have to take on this task alone. However, his nephew Pastor Jevon O Neely has expressed his commitment to make this happen for his uncle. In this way, those who passed on leave legacies that will not die if we document it for the benefit of generations to come.

It is, therefore, incumbent upon us to remember to give men their flowers while they are alive. They don’t have to live up to our expectations. They want to be celebrated for who they are... this creates more opportunities for them to be all they can be.

The International Men’s Day committee recently honoured a few outstanding men in the country. They are: Cecil Penn, Andros; Lincoln Young, Eleuthera; Pedro Heild, Nassau; Dallas Knowles, Exuma; Dudley Seide, Grand Bahama; Alex Archer, Abaco; and Stephen Brown, San Salvador.

The International Men’s Day committee participated in a number of events during November and December, including making presentations and presenting gifts at Prison Fellowship Bahamas and Programme Sure for boys. They also partnered firmly with Zonta Clubs Bahamas for the 16 Days of Activism to Say No to Violence Against Women and Girls.