The Tribune

By INIGO ‘NAUGHTY’ ZENICAZELAYA

IT’S a New Year once again, that time of year when we all make a myriad of bad self improvement promises to ourselves called ‘New Year’s Resolutions.’

You know the ones like “I will not eat 6 donuts a day”, I would never kid myself even attempting that one being the brand ambassador for Dunkin Donuts in the Bahamas, that’s just plain old bad for business.

All of these resolutions are good intentions, but how long do you think you will remain focused in order to achieve them?

Many of the top New Year’s resolutions are made by people who will keep them for as long as they are convenient, and the minute the resolutions become a challenge or unpopular in their peer group’s eyes (for various reasons) they are dropped like a hot potatoes.

Resolutions are made and forgotten as fast as campaign promises.

But why?

Why is it that we have no more moral stamina than a dead conch, when it comes to keeping our New Year’s resolutions?

All of the New Year resolution info sites (including Wikipedia) will tell you that only 8 out of every 100 people keep their New Year’s resolutions for an entire year, and the scary thing is, the number may well be less than that.

Given, there is no way to actually record or count how many people keep their New Year’s resolutions, but the act remains the same.

In all honesty, the majority of all New Year’s resolutions are made just for us to look good in front of our friends as we down gallons of libations ringing in the New Year’s partying and are quickly forgotten very early in the New Year.

Have New Year resolutions become like hobbies, the ones we drop when they become too boring or inconvenient to do?

Why do we even make resolutions if you aren’t going to keep them?

It doesn’t matter whether your resolutions are funny, tongue-in-cheek, or serious ones.

However, it does matter if your word and resolve are so weak that you can’t even keep a promise to yourself.

The only one who really has an investment in and an affect on your resolutions, is you, so don’t fool yourself when ‘you’ tells ‘you’ that ‘you’ are going to be a better ‘you’ for your next year.

If you are going to make resolutions, at least make resolutions that you can stick to, at least that way you won’t need to comfort yourself by turning to the food that you are trying to stop eating!

Face the New Year ahead of you with a new perspective; head on, by actually trying to live up to your New Year’s resolutions.

You won’t be doing this for anyone else, it’s all for you, to remind yourself that you actually have the guts to say you will do something and see it through.

Please see my personal New Year’s resolutions below and please try to keep a straight face.

MY NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

• Run while juggling knives.

• Play baseball with a hand grenade and a loaded rocket launcher.

• Pillow fight with a bag of spare change.

• Talk with my mouth full of nails.

• Drink paint thinner while smoking a cigarette.

• Try to perform stunts with my car on the local bridges.

• Throw my friends into the trunk of my car

• Cause global warming single handedly

• Wear a bacon costume and tease rabid ‘potcakes.’

• Send “funny” images of “epic fails” and “LOL” via SMS or chat to someone who I am currently talking on the phone with.

Until next week, good luck all of you with your New Year’s resolutions, all the best, health, happiness and success in 2021.

I will leave you with a quote from Mark Twain, which pretty much sums the whole whole thing.

“New Year’s Day, now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual.” - Mark Twain