The Tribune

This week, the community of women’s rights advocates and feminists in The Bahamas learned of the passing of Donna Nicolls. She was fierce in her advocacy for women’s rights, compassionate in her care for survivors of domestic, sexual and intimate partner violence, generous in her support of other activists and advocates in the human rights space.

Easily recognised by her short haircut and signature gold hoop earrings, Donna was well-known and loved deeply. Her work spanned decades, changed mindsets and helped to move us closer to having a sustained women’s rights movement.

The stories being shared about her are no surprise to anyone who knew her. From the invitations to her house for family meals to calling out nonsense whenever and wherever she saw it, Donna was the real deal. What you saw was truly what you got.

Donna Nicolls was the Deputy Director of the Bahamas Crisis Centre for many years, and a strong women’s rights advocate. Hers was often one of very few voices raised on issues impacting women including domestic violence and sexual violence. She was committed to promoting healthy relationships, especially through direct engagement with young people.

She knew the importance of having conversations about relationships as early as possible and spoke about the connection between girls’ self esteem, knowledge about relationship dynamics and their ability to identify red flags. In 2013, she said: “In order for them to have healthy relationship they must understand how to develop their own positive self traits and how to recognise red flag behaviour and dialogue that is meant to trap.”

Because she kept it real, Donna was often called upon to talk to young people about healthy relationships. She was sincere and realistic in her approach. She didn’t talk down to students, but acknowledged that their real life experiences and the decisions they made on a daily basis. She was was well aware of social norms among young people, the challenges they faced in navigating relationships and the tension between what they wanted and how they wanted to be perceived.

She started with the individual, affirming their own wishes for their lives and made the connection to their interaction with people in their lives. She did not discourage dating nor belittle anyone for their decisions. Instead, she focused on their humanity. She wanted them to know they have agency and value and she gave them tools to help them to assess their relationships.

I remember Donna being on a Women’s Wednesdays panel on healthy relationships at the National Art Gallery of The Bahamas. She emphasised that healthy relationships begin with an understanding of our own personal power. She shared the story of her mother speaking to her husband-to-be before they got married, laying out her expectations. She told him that Donna was to be loved and cared for as she was in her parents’ home, and Donna was in full support of the message, happy to hear her mother say this. Then, her mother turned to her and said the expectations of her were the same. “This is the essence of what healthy means in a relationship. It’s really about what you expect and what you are going to give,” she said.

Donna had a way of bringing her message to life with personal stories. She was unafraid of sharing her own experiences in order to help people to understand a concept and both consider and change their behaviour. She talked about her own experiences and how she learned from them, and this gave people permission to reflect on their own experiences, own their mistakes, and chart a path toward something better. Through her work, she taught the rest of us that vulnerability can be a strength and showing our own humanity helps to make connections with the people we are trying to reach.

In addition to connecting with people through stories and compassion, Donna knew the importance of substantive change in law and policy and she focused a lot of her work on one international mechanism in particular. In 2014, Bahamas Women’s Watch, founded by Donna organized a full-day training session on the Convention on the Elimination of All Forms of Discrimination against Women (CEDAW). The event brought people together who were interested in advancing women’s rights and ending violence and discrimination against women to hear from Missouri Sherman-Peters and Gaynel Curry about international mechanisms and the principles of CEDAW.

From the invitation to register for the training to the training day itself, Donna made it clear there were expectations of all participants. We had to commit to stay for the entire day and our participation was an indication of our commitment to continue working and to share the knowledge we gained from the training. She treated us with kindness and respect while setting the bar and it was well-received.

This training was follow-through on Donna’s commitment to ensuring more women in The Bahamas were aware of CEDAW and could strengthen their advocacy by using this tool. In 2012 and 2013, she spoke about the government’s ratification of CEDAW in 1993, its responsibility to women in The Bahamas, and the importance of us knowing our rights, so this training was the realisation of one of her goals.

Donna was excited by CEDAW, and she was the first person I heard refer to it as “a bill of rights for women.” She learned as much as she could about the Convention and how it could be used for the protection and advancement of women’s rights. In 2013, she participated in a multi-country forum in Jamaica which put nongovernmental organizations and government officials in dialogue with each other. Upon her return, Donna encouraged women to get familiar with CEDAW by reading CEDAW Made Easy, a resource that is available online and does as its title suggests.

Later on, Donna participated in an intensive training on CEDAW with people from all over the world. Even with all of her knowledge and experience in this field, she never considered herself too much of an expert to be a student and to learn more. She was open to more information, different ways of approaching the work, and new people entering the movement. She talked about the importance of passing the baton so that a new generation of leaders could learn, practice, speak, build rapport and create change. She happily took opportunities to mentor young women and girls and supported initiatives that had mentorship components. She believed in the power of meaningful interactions, building relationships across generations, and ensuring that people always have someone to call for help. She was that person for many and she had a hand in ensuring other people became those people for even more people.

Young activists have been fortunate to observe and learn from Donna. We have seen her be fully herself, without filter. We have heard her acknowledge her own anger while calling on the country to do and be better.

Donna directly spoke to the women in The Bahamas, calling us to take a stand and demand more when she said: “I am just so outraged and I feel that as women we have got to stop just taking this nonsense that people keep throwing at us and get together and say no, enough.”

She showed us that we could name our feelings and it would not invalidate the work we channel them into.

Donna let us know the importance of naming behaviours. She worked to end victim blaming and reminded the public that the blame should be on perpetrators while our support goes to survivors. She said: “We should name and shame the behaviour of perpetrators without apology and let perpetrators of harassment and abuse know in no uncertain terms that their behaviour is unacceptable and illegal. And collectively, we must hold perpetrators responsible for their actions.”

We still have work to do. We still need more people on our team. We still need to find ways to connect with people, increase understanding of human rights, improve communication and responses to conflict, and create a safer environment for us all. This, however, does not have to consume us.

Donna showed that it was possible to be fully engaged in this work while making room for joy. We saw it in the way she laughed, welcomed people into her home, and celebrated life. It is fitting that we remember her as the woman who counselled many others, who held the mic to say what few others would say, who remembered to give attention to girls’ self-worth and confidence, who talked about making space for others in the movement, who told it like it was, and who was determined to truly live.

She once said: “My plea today is for us to move together with a vision of a Bahamas free of violence. The plea today is that we might work together to build a more caring, peaceful, tolerant society.”

May her memory be source of joy and a call to action as we continue to build on her work.

Recommendations

1. CEDAW Made Easy. This resources is available on the UN Women Caribbean website. It includes sections on the links between CEDAW and the Sustainable Development Goals and international human rights, the use of CEDAW at the national level, the rights CEDAW protects, and how CEDAW is monitored.

2. Black Buck by Mateo Askaripour. “I don’t think you want that today.” That’s what a young black man says to a white man, a regular at the Starbucks he works at, when he orders his regular. It irritates the customer, then lands him a job at a tech company. Written like a self-help book on selling, this is a (sometimes uncomfortably) funny take on the workplace in the US, racism, and money.

3. Ziwe. She’s on Showtime with a funny series that mixes interviews and musical numbers that are a commentary on socio-political issues. In the first episode, she interviews Fran Lebowitz and Gloria Steinem, has a conversation with a group of white women named Karen, and performs a song that really should not be funny. It will be interesting to see how Ziwe sparks conversation throughout the season.