The Tribune

By FELICITY DARVILLE

WHEN Tinagay Foster recently saw a violent act against a woman go viral on social media, it hurt her to the core. She wasn’t just hurt because society seems to shamelessly disseminate violent videos and photos on social media. It wasn’t just because it was another episode of violence against women, which she abhors. Tinagay was very hurt because she too had been a victim of abuse.

She immediately took to social media to make a clarion call to women to get out of abusive relationships. For years since she got out of her toxic relationship, Tinagay has been partnering with Zonta Bahamas to share her story with other young ladies in an effort to give them the inspiration they need to walk away from domestic violence.

“On February 14th, 2013, I met death,” Tinagay said.

“I met death and I looked him in the face for three years of my life. I almost married death and despite the physical, verbal emotionally and sometimes sexual abuse I faced, I still stayed in the relationship thinking I could have fought and won, or changed death’s face. But ladies out there who are in this situation, I’m here to tell you to get out now! You can’t change him!”

As simple as the two words “get out” may seem, they are some of the most difficult words to come to terms with for a domestic violence victim, she said. Not all victims are women; but statistically, they represent the majority of victims in domestic violence cases. From experience, she says women tend not to get out of these situations as soon as they need to because: they are ashamed; don’t want to start over; this is not their first abusive relationship; they are afraid; or they feel as if they can’t make it without their partner.

“Listen, I had all these excuses,” Tinagay shared.

“Despite what my mom, my friends and everyone else around me said, I didn’t listen. I didn’t listen because I felt like they couldn’t tell me what to do because they didn’t understand what I was going through. But guess what, I am someone who has been through it and can tell you - move now before it’s too late!

“I tried several times to get out. I filed for four bound overs (to keep the peace) and never I went to court. I called the police approximately nine times and still took him back. I began to pray to God to move him but every time I left and he called and said, ‘I love you, I’m sorry’, I let him back in.

“It’s going to come a time when you’re going to realise to stop making excuses… but for some people it’s too late. You see, from the first punch to my abdomen eight months into the relationship, I got a sign, but didn’t get out. Two months later when he left a hand print in my face… it was another sign, but I didn’t get out. Then it went from bad to worse. He called me what he wanted to – worthless, ugly, good for nothing, dirty, stupid, fat and sloppy… that’s just some of what I could recall.

“He locked me in the room several times. He would head butt me, spit on me and call me garbage. He would hit me with anything he could grab and when I got free, I would run outside and he would run after me. At one point he ripped my dress off in the street! Neighbours watched. I guess they felt I deserved it for not getting rid of this man… they were used to it.

“My eyes started to open when my 12-year-old son at the time got involved. As this man attempted to drag me off, my son ran out, jumped over me and punched him in the face. By the time I looked up he went to hit my child back. My son ducked and I screamed at him to go inside. When your kids get involved, your time is almost up… get out now!”

On that day, Tinagay made up her mind to get out of the relationship. She went to the courts to file another order to bind the man over to keep the peace. This time she showed up at court to make sure it went through.

Tinagay was determined to keep him blocked out of their lives. But the battle was not completely over.

“After keeping him blocked out for two months he walked back in my house, straight into my room and he locked the door. I saw death,” she said.

“He started complaining to me about why I doing this to him. I was afraid. Then with all his might, he head butted me. I instantly felt my head swelling. I started to scream that I need ice. I felt head swinging and I prayed inside, ‘God, please don’t let me die!’ I laid on the bed. Then I thought, ‘how I am going to get out of this’! I began to beg him to let me go bathe saying that I was late for work. I had to say, ‘baby, please’. He watched me take a bath and get in my car, which he had blocked in. I had to kiss him goodbye! He followed me to make sure I didn’t go to the police station. When he disappeared, I made up my mind, and I went to the police. It was over! I chose to live and not to die.”

Since then, Tinagay has come a long way, feeling empowered and knowing her worth. She finished school and became a Registered Nurse. She then pursued a Master’s degree in Nursing Education. She is currently pursuing a PhD.

“My dreams are up ahead and I will continue to help all young women by giving them a voice,” she said.

“You are not stuck. A diamond is never stuck, but it pushes through the earth and rises at the top. I am a survivor, a Lady, a Queen, an unfinished diamond!”

She encouraged anyone who is a domestic violence abuse victim to immediately get out of the situation and “seek help, seek counseling from the church, and trust God”.

The Zonta Club of New Providence was instrumental in helping her and other girls get the message of their campaign to “Say No to Gender-based Violence”. They are a part of the “Orange the World” campaign as well as the United Nations’ UNiTe campaign to end violence against women and girls. Internationally, the 16 Days of Activism to End Gender-based violence helps bring awareness about the vexing societal problem, and call on all members to be a part of the solution.

Each year, Zonta Club of New Providence teams up with various NGOs to help make the campaign successful. This year, the Rotary Clubs of the Bahamas are proud participants. The men have a white ribbon campaign, and are encouraging men to join in and take the global vow to end violence against women and girls. Other NGOs participating this year include Caribbean Women in Leadership, Kiwanis Clubs of the Bahamas, the Royal Bahamas Police Force, and the Crisis Centre. The Department of Gender and Family Affairs, Ministry of Social Services and Urban Development, is always an active participant.

Yesterday in the House of Assembly, Prime Minister Philip “Brave” Davis, along with Minister of Education Glenys Hanna-Martin, made a pledge to look at all of the ways government could assist in making sure that legislation was in place to help support efforts to end gender-based violence. Office of the Spouse representative Mrs Ann Marie Davis has been an active spokeswoman for the campaign this year. She and Mrs Patricia Minnis, former Office of the Spouse representative, tied the first bow together in the Englerston community for the Orange the World campaign 2021. On Saturday, Mrs Davis was back in Englerston with Zonta Club of New Providence (ZCNP) for a community outreach effort.

The 16 Days of Activism to End Gender-based violence runs from November 25 - the International Day of activism to End Violence Against Women and Girls, to December 10 - International Human Rights Day. On Friday, November 26, Zonta held a workforce readiness programme in Englerston. On November 18, the 2021 Trafficking in Persons Webinar was held. Superintendent of Police Tess D Newbold, Superintendent Janet McKenzie, and ZCNP President Marisa Mason Smith were the presenters, speaking on “how to identify human traffickers and the tools to disrupt this heinous crime and human rights violation”. Sadly, this is a concern for the Bahamas. Zonta Eleuthera members are actively participating. Many offices are decorated in orange this month, and every Friday, government and corporate employees are wearing orange t-shirts. Efforts, led by Jewel Edwards, have reached far and wide on the island, with the message that “Eleuthera has gone orange!”

Yesterday, Parliamentarians were pinned with orange bows by Zonta members to remind them of their commitment to helping to push legislation to help bring an end to violence in Bahamian society. Zonta is proud to have led the first Women in Parliament session under the commission of former Speaker of the House of Assembly, Halson Moultrie. There, they presented a Resolution to End Gender-based violence.

On International Human Rights Day, December 10, ZCNP will hold their annual “Walk in My Shoes” campaign in Rawson Square from 10am to 12 noon. On Saturday, December 11, Zonta and the Crisis Centre will host the webinar “Behind the Veil”. On December 12, the final webinar will examine the role of the church in ending gender-based violence.

See the Zonta Club of New Providence Facebook page for more details.