The Tribune

IN recent years, there has been an increase in conversations about and focus on mental health. More and more, people are recognizing it as a part of our overall health and wellbeing, requiring at least as much attention as we give to our physical health.

We have experienced and witnessed the impact of traumatic events on our own lives and the lives of people around us. We know the kind of support we have needed at some point, where the gaps are in accessing the necessary resources and services, and the privilege we may have had that helped us to meet our mental health needs.

For most of us, mental health resources and services - especially culturally relevant options - are not readily available and accessible. In fact, we may not even be aware we need them, much less where to find them.

Fortunately, there are tools and practices that we can use to prevent or minimize crises and/or try to maintain a healthy state of being. They include personal assessments, planning and organisation, therapy, boundaries and support systems.

Personal assessment

It can be helpful to zoom out and look at our lives in broad categories. We may choose to look at our physical, mental, emotional, spiritual and financial areas of life. For some, it may be more useful to look at goals and obstacles. It may even be a good idea to ask questions. What are my best assets? What are my greatest challenges? What are my fears?

The way we assess our lives depends on how we live. Living situations, family dynamics, employment status and income and physical health are just a few consideration and factors that affect us. Based on them, we can all identify three to five categories that would give us the best view of where we are and what it means for our mental health.

For example, university students putting themselves through school may choose to look at academic goals, finances and social life. Some may find the more they work, in order to make more money to cover rent, the less they spend time with friends and this may lead to them feeling lonely, being jealous of friends and reacting badly, or losing sleep because they are trying to do it all. Knowing these things can help them to plan for the year ahead because the patterns are identified, some of the outcomes are known, and it may be easier to avoid the negative ones.

Spend time planning and organising

Uncertainty will always exist. Unexpected occurrences will come up, and we will have to deal with them. Some things, however, are quite predictable. This is especially so when we have made personal assessments, set goals and charted paths for ourselves.

One of the reasons organisations do SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and challenges) analyses is that they know it is both possible and necessary to make predictions and plans to ensure or avoid particular events. It is just as helpful for individuals to make personal forecasts and use that information to properly plan our lives.

A practice as simple as planning a day the night before can help us to feel and be in more control and to accept our responsibility for what happens. For some, this could be a simple list of things to do or expect, while for others it could be an hourly schedule of activities and considerations. More long term, a person planning to purchase a car may look at their expected income on a monthly basis and set an amount to save and identify a date by which they will have the money to make the purchase.

By planning and organising our activities and goals, we take some of the guesswork out of our lives. When we know what to expect, we can properly prepare for it and reduce the anxiety that often comes with uncertainty and can bring the feeling that we cannot handle what may come.

Try therapy

While it is good to have trusted family members and friends to talk to, there is nothing like having sessions with a trained, licensed therapist. A therapist does not solve people’s problems or tell them what to do. They listen, ask questions and help to guide people by providing tools to handle whatever is coming up in their lives.

For example, a person may be struggling to make a decision about a relationship. The therapist does not make the choice for their client. They may ask why the decision is so difficult, what the person would do if they prioritised their own feelings and what they think would happen if they did whatever they are thinking about doing. They may also offer some exercises which could be as simple as listing pros and cons. They may also remind the person of the goals they have already stated for themselves and encourage them to make decisions that put them on that path.

Therapy is not a way to delegate decision-making to another person or to be constantly validated no matter what you do, but to explore ourselves, including our needs, wants, challenges, and behaviours, with the help of a professional who can give reminders, encourage accountability, and provide support during difficult times. One of the main goals is to learn healthy ways to get through whatever comes our way.

The biggest barrier to therapy, of course, is the cost, but there are options out there. Some therapists offer special rates for people with low incomes, there are online options that may have lower costs, and some communities offer group therapy. If you have health insurance and haven’t done so already, find out if there is coverage for therapy. Some employers may also offer assistance, especially if the demand is high. The more we ask, the more decision-makers become aware of the need.

Set boundaries

We have to know our own limits. There are people in the world who will take without ever giving, and there are people who will push without a single thought about how they are affecting the person they push. Is someone always asking to borrow money and never paying it back? Decide whether or not you can afford to keep “lending”. If someone is really struggling financially and you are able to help, it may be more reasonable to tell them you can give them a particular amount on a monthly basis for a particular period of time, but that’s it. If you can’t really afford it, it’s time to be upfront about it.

Does someone always call you to complain about a situation they can change? It’s okay to say you don’t want to talk about that any more, and you can always add that you’ve discussed the solution numerous times or any other relevant information that would help.

Setting boundaries is often uncomfortable at first. It is difficult to change a pattern, and unpleasant to deal with other people’s feelings about what we need to do for ourselves. They do, however, get used to it, and if they don’t, maybe it’s time for them to see themselves out. You have to do what it takes to take care of yourself, and that includes shifting your own behaviour and transforming relationships and interactions that no longer support the healthiest version of yourself.

Identify your support system

It is important to know who you can call on in challenging times. It may not be the same person for every situation. There may be one person who will let you rant for as long as you want, another who will sit quietly while you cry, another who will show up with a hot meal, and another who will pick up your children and keep them for a weekend while you do whatever you need to do.

Who has your back? Who reserves judgment? Who keeps you in check? Who shows up when you call at the last minute? Who distracts you with fun activities? Make a list of the people who make up your support system, the role they play, and the situations they would be the best people to help you work through. By writing or typing this somewhere, you make it easier to reach out to them because you don’t have to think about it in an already difficult moment. Even better, if you let them know they are on your list and why, they will know what you need from them when you call.

One of the best things we can do for ourselves is be honest about where we are, the challenges we face and the kind of support we need. Try to plan for what you know is coming. Use the resources available to you and advocate for yourself when your needs are not being met.

We have a long way to go where mental health resources and services are concerned and the conversation is happening now. We have to remember some of us can do more for ourselves than others, and everyone deserves to be in a good health and have their basis needs met.

As you prioritise your mental health, whenever possible, speak up about the need for better access for everyone, especially those in situations of vulnerability.