The Tribune

By DR KENNETH D KEMP

VERY few individuals can comprehend the intense and extreme mental toll placed on a person when multiple loved ones become sick at the same time. This is the real-life story of one such saga, so compelling I am telling it in a two-part series. This is part one.

Still in his early 30s, my patient’s husband who we will call Jake (not his real name) couldn’t possibly have been happier. He had a great job, a roof over his head, a beautiful wife and three incredible daughters. That happiness was unfortunately short-lived and the harrowing story of what my patient and her husband Jake have endured over the past decade bears truth to the scripture that while mountains quake with their surging and the waters roar and foam, faith ultimately remains our greatest refuge.

Jake’s older sister had ambitions of becoming a doctor. Enrolled in pre-med courses, she became romantically involved with a man who lived in their neighbourhood. After a short while, she started to notice that he was becoming excessively jealous of her male friends from college. When that transitioned into aggressive behaviour, she quickly ended the relationship. Despite that, he continued to come by the house hoping to reconcile. Then one day she went jogging and never returned home. After three hours, her family became concerned. Jake drove to his sister’s usual exercise spot. When he didn’t see her, or her car, he had a sinking feeling that something was wrong. She wasn’t responding to phone calls and her best friend said she also strangely hadn’t heard from her.

He and the rest of the family went to the police station to file a report but she needed to be missing for a full 24 hours before they could begin an investigation.

By the next day when she still had not returned home, they called her ex-boyfriend. He did not answer his phone. In a panic, the family decided to drive around the neighbourhood together but they were unsuccessful in their search. Later that evening, however, Jake recalled that his sister’s ex-boyfriend frequently hung out at a shack where he made his Junkanoo costumes every year. So, in a last desperate attempt to find his sister, he went there alone.

As he pulled up, hidden behind some overgrown trees, he saw his sister’s car. His heart racing, he began running towards it, but slowed down. Even from a distance he could see his sister laying with her head slumped against the door in the passenger’s seat. He guardedly called out her name, his voice in a hoarse, strong whisper hoping against hope that she would recognise the sound. He’d anxiously waited for a response, but deep down he already knew that she was dead.

The police determined that she had been strangled. A few days later her ex-boyfriend was taken into police custody and questioned. But, with no evidence to hold him, he was eventually freed and was himself shot and killed by an unknown assailant.

Finding his sister’s body took a tremendous toll on Jake. Shortly after that, his wife began to develop consistent episodes of chest pain that became progressively worse. So, when he opted to take his wife to the US for a consultation, he was arranging to take his mother with him as well.

A retired teacher who had dedicated her life to her children, his mom suffered from diabetes marked by a consistently elevated blood sugar level. It was because of her failing health that Jake and his wife (my patient) wanted her to go to the US with them, but she declined and before anyone left Nassau, she went into kidney failure. Her doctors advised her to have a port placed for access to start dialysis. It was supposed to be a minor procedure so she opted to have her surgery performed locally rather than travelling abroad. It was a decision her family regrets to this day as her surgeon accidentally cut her jugular vein and she bled out on the operating table and died. The family initiated a malpractice lawsuit but the hospital refused to release her body to be buried while the investigation was ongoing. So after the investigation dragged on for weeks, and the thought of their mother being in the morgue for months, they opted to drop the case and bury her with dignity.

Reeling from the death of his mother, Jake barely had time to catch his breath. It was a devastating blow so when his younger sister called him to say that she needed to see him in person, he’d hit his breaking point. When he saw her the next day, in their mother’s home, she sat him down and told him that she was recently diagnosed with AIDS and she wanted him to take care of her son when she died. She contracted it from her fiancé of less than a year and with no medications, her symptoms progressed rapidly. She became depressed and during the last few years of her life, she was cared for with deep love by their aunt who stayed by her side as she passed away. At this point, Jake says he felt like he was running towards something but no matter how much he tried and struggled, he just couldn’t reach it. He was exhausted and became emotional when sharing his last conversation with his baby sister. They spoke about how much they loved one another and he promised to watch after her son, which is a promise he intends to honour for as long as he lives.

The stress of his circumstances was overwhelming. He was suffocating and cried at work, both at his desk and in the bathroom, and then on Saturdays he’d go to the beach hoping the ocean breeze could provide some semblance of calm and clarity of thought. The last time he was there, it rained and as he watched the dark blue-green waves crash along the seawall, he lost control. All of his emotions poured out and he yelled and screamed, slamming his fists against the car. Then he headed home, recomposed, smiling and ready to provide a strong shoulder for his family to lean on.

During this time, his wife of over a decade, the mother of his children and the only surviving adult female in his life, was still suffering with constant and severe chest pain. It was like there was a wheel in her chest turning with each heartbeat that suddenly malfunctioned because of a small pebble restricting its movement and forcing her chest to clamp down and tighten. The pain was near-paralysing and it progressed rapidly. After multiple doctors’ visits, her symptoms including chest pain, fatigue and shortness of breath, persisted unabated. Ultimately, she underwent open heart surgery and even that didn’t help to alleviate her pain so she was admitted to the hospital for yet another surgical procedure.

On that day, my patient’s husband walked with his wife, hand in hand as she was wheeled from her room to the operating theatre for her third heart surgery. He stayed with her for as long as the nurses would allow. As her hands slipped away from his, his throat tightened thinking about having to explain to their daughters that their mother may never return home. He prayed, watching for as long as possible until he could no longer see her. As he faced the real possibility of his wife dying in a few short hours, he cried there alone and uncontrollably, demoralised and afraid that he’d lose yet another person that he so desperately loved.

• Part two of this series will be published next Monday, March 21.