The Tribune

EDITOR, The Tribune.

Spent the weekend with the family. A good visit indeed. A niece came with her partner. We had the chance to go for a few walks and talk a great deal. I noticed a quietness within her, and with the distant looks she gave the horizon I know she wanted to talk freely. I say this because she has had a great deal of difficulty speaking out, expressing herself, her emotions to others. So on one of these walks we sat on a bench and I faced her asking her to talk, just talk.

Well it was like every emotion and thought in her came out like a tap had been opened. Let me explain how she has seen herself and how that outlook has changed. She has always been a larger person, with genetics playing a part in her appearance. Her appearance has shaped how she sees herself and how she thinks others see her. Once a quiet, hidden personality, with ever growing emotions never expressed except in her room or with those she truly trusted, she has grown tremendously, seemingly self assured, self respect intact, and no longer the pushover she once was.

She lives her life as though she were a mirror, forever looking in at herself and then those who look upon her. Whenever she meets someone, she smiles and greets others with true acceptance and kindness. But she evaluates everyone, thinking to herself, is that person judging my appearance, accepting me or playing me in someway? Her appearance continues to rule her day. Because she is as she is, her awkwardness, shy gaze, how she responds to others is seen in a forever judged manner. It is all in her head, but she cannot shake the thoughts developed many years ago out of her consciousness and lived memory. Seemingly ready to cry at any time, she is a beautiful person with so much to give and receive.

Reader Imagine your greatest weakness, deformity, handicap, mental or physical challenge is before you every hour of every day, no matter what you are doing. Then internalizing all your fears of exposure to others are with you daily. Your overweight, deaf, dumb or perhaps mentally challenged, forever protected by those who love and care for you, unable to accomplish things for yourself because you or others fear you may fail. You respond to these situations in life by over doing things like over eating, over compensating, over thinking everything. Either too afraid of rejection or of attention from others, while at the same time wishing for some form of acknowledgement of accomplishment, satisfactions and accolades from others. You are all screwed up, uncertain of yourself or others’ intentions towards you. Does that person feel sorry for me or really care for me?

I fear for her health and mental status, but admire her moxie, self respect and ability to motivate herself. There is anger within her, controlled well, until it explodes outward. She can defend herself, but most often she swallows her pride, and simply moves onward. A few times now she has been insulted by others, and while we wait to see how she would respond, the insulting individuals know they are done for from our hands if need be. Revenge, no, but real effective re-education.

What inspires my family is her inner strength, willingness to advance her career while facing many roadblocks. I admire her intelligence, kindheartedness and mercy. Yes, mercy. For all the aholes that have stood in her way, she has forgiven them and succeeded anyway. This big-hearted lady makes us try to be better, smarter, kinder, more open-minded, more accepting of others. Instead of ripping the world a new one, she works to improve her lot and her neighbours as well. Charity is her other name, making others better her one and only true game. Patience, acceptance and true grit I see each time she privileges me with her presence. Perhaps not long for this world, but surely a building block with her name on it placed as a cornerstone for all. Nameless mostly because she would be embarrassed because of this letter, so nameless she will be to you, but not to me.

STEVEN KASZAB,

Bradford, Ontario.

August 20, 2023