The Tribune

THE holiday season is one we generally expect to be full of good cheer. Even through their complaints, people happily spend money — often more than they can really afford — on festivities, from decorations and food to gifts and events. Far too many cars are on the road during business hours, making traffic difficult to bear. Lines in commercial banks, that have actively been pushing customers outside of the branches, get longer and slower. Certain ingredients get much harder, if not impossible, to find in grocery stores. Parking spaces are hard to come by, and shopping carts are just as limited, if not more. Purchases and exits are met with, “Have a merry Christmas!” and, “Have a happy holiday!”

It is easy to forget that, for some, this is a difficult time of year. In fact, it is the worst time of year for people who may be doing their best to hide it.

Here are some of the people who could use extra love and care at this time:

1 People who are grieving people who died during a previous holiday season, and people who are grieving people who died within the past year. For many people, there are activities that are repeated every holiday season, and the same people are involved every time. Whether it is shopping, preparing meals, or attending annual events, undertaking these activities can magnify the absence of a person who was always there. Some people will opt out, trying to spare themselves the sadness and pitying looks, and others will try to push through in hopes of creating and getting used to a new normal. All of the firsts that come after a loved one has died are challenging, and we need to remember that this changes the season for some of the people around us.

2 People who are experiencing poverty or sudden changes in their finances. There are many people who have never been able to comfortably participate in holiday festivities at the same level as others. Their children are not showered with hundreds of dollars of gifts, and their houses may not have Christmas trees, garlands, or lights. For some, a change in circumstances may make this holiday season starkly different from previous years. Their children may wonder why there is no tree, or what they did wrong that resulted in less gifts. People are navigating difficult situations, and this often means difficult conversations with children and other loved ones who may not immediately understand what is happening. At the same time, they may not want to disclose personal details to others, so do not pry. If you notice that people are celebrating differently, or not at all, consider that the financial situation may dictate behaviour and bringing it up may not be welcome. Find other ways to support people experiencing financial difficulty at this time, and beyond this season. This could be inviting them to your holiday gathering, gifting them a fun decorative item like a wreath or dancing snowperson, or giving them a ham or turkey voucher.

3 People who have been separated from their families. For a myriad of reasons, including citizenship complications, the (mis)match of skills and industry, and institutionalisation, people can find themselves away from family members they would have liked to be with at this time of year. Whether it is a spouse working in another country, a hospitalised grandparent, or an incarcerated child, this is a difficult to bear. Video calls and brief visits are nice, but no replacement for being together for the duration of celebrations, sharing in the rush of shopping, menu planning, and plotting surprises for others. Some people may isolate while others try to embrace those who are able to be around. Others are completely alone, not knowing anyone else or not invited by anyone else. Think of these people and find ways to welcome to your events, check on them at other times, and make them feel seen and loved.

4 People who are experiencing violence. Domestic violence and intimate partner violence do not take a break for the holidays. In fact, it can get worse. Spending more time at home is not a good thing for everyone.

There are also people in The Bahamas who are not Christian. There are people with other religions. In a place with many people loudly, consistently and incorrectly calling it a “Christian nation”, it is not surprising that people forget or ignore the fact that there are other religions, and there are people who practice other religions here. Everyone here is not a Christian, and no one here has to be a Christian, yet many events and traditions—including those organised and upheld by the government of The Bahamas which is well aware of the fundamental rights and freedoms which include freedom of (and from) religion—center Christianity and Christians, whether they are practicing or not.

People of other faiths do not view Christmas in the way that Christians, both practicing and non-practicing, do. They also do not typically view Christmas in the secular. It is a day, like any other day, with the exception of the ever-increasing lead-up—which now seems to begin before Thanksgiving—which is full of variations of Christian scripture and scenery, Santa and elves, dogged participation in capitalism, and light-dependent decorations. They are generally unbothered by others celebrating the holiday, and should not be targeted, ridiculed, or insulted for not participating. Just as importantly, attempts to accommodate them ought not be met with hostility.

People get quite offended by “Xmas”, insisting that the “Christ” be put back in “Christmas,” as though the written name is the only place that is losing the focus on Christ which is, according to them, the reason for the season. They are also quick to complain about more inclusive greetings like, “Happy Holidays!” and “Seasons Greetings” because, for them, the entire season is about Christmas, and not only do people with other religions or no religion at all not matter, but no other religious holiday exists during this period. This is, of course, incorrect, and it often goes unchecked. Consult an interfaith calendar to learn about the special days of observance beyond the Christian ones already known to you.

Here are a few ways to make holiday events happier:

1 Focus on your own food choices. Do not comment on other people’s consumption of food. If they want no meat, so be it. If they want extra turkey, so be it. If they go for seconds, so be it. If they are newly vegan, so be it. If they are avoid gluten, so be it. You do not deserve an explanation, and they do not deserve scrutiny. People access new information and make decisions on the basis. People have health conditions and get advice from doctors that they may not care to share with you. People take medication that may dictate what they can and cannot eat. People sometimes skip meals in order to do other things, and may find themselves especially hungry. People may quietly be changing the way they eat. Eat what you want to eat, and keep quiet about what other people do and do not eat. It is not your business.

2 Make choices about your own body. Do not comment on other people’s bodies. People gain and lose weight over time. This can be due to diet, exercise, illness, medication, stress, and various other factors. None of these need to be discussed with you when they are not happening to your body. People adorn their bodies in ways that make them feel good. That may be jeans and a simple top. It may be a loose, flowing dress. It may be fitted, showing every curve. You may like what a person wears, and you may not. This does not need to be shared with anyone. Your opinion on people’s bodies and how they choose to dress is one of the most unimportant things in the world. Do not waste anyone’s time with it.

3 Leave jokes to the people who are actually funny. Everyone loves a good laugh, and many people like being the person to make others laugh. If you are able to make people laugh without making anyone feel badly, that is great. If you make people laugh by singling someone out and insulting them, you are not funny. You are rude. Insults are not the same as jokes, and it does not matter if insults have passed for jokes for a long time in your family. Now is a good time to stop.

4 Know your boundaries, and respect other people’s boundaries. As much as you love the people attending gatherings, you probably have a limit. There are certain people you know you do not want to talk to for more than two minutes. There are events you do not want to be at for more than an hour. There are people you do not want anywhere near your children. It is good to have boundaries, to keep them in mind, and to share them with people who can help to enforce them. Some boundaries need to be verbally set. “Do not hit my children. If there is an issue, let me know,” for example. Some may be more quiet. When people state their boundaries, it is not an invitation to question or challenge. It is an generous offer they are making that will enable them to spend time with you. Receive the offering with grace.