The Tribune

By FELICITY DARVILLE

“Family is everything” - it’s a popular quote often used when people make their social media posts with their loved ones. It comes from the heart and usually indicates the love that people have for their relatives, and how much they cherish them.

Sometimes, despite the love, some family members don’t have good communication skills and don’t know how to express themselves effectively. This can lead to abuse, and it’s something Sgt Kim McGregor of the Royal Bahamas Police Force Domestic Violence Task Force Unit is seeking to change.

With National Family Week celebrations currently underway, she took the time out to address these concerns with hopes of increasing awareness that could impact families for the better.

“When people hear the term ‘domestic violence’, physical abuse is often their first thought,” Kim shared.

“While physical abuse is certainly one of the most common types of domestic violence, it is important to remember that there are other forms of abuse that can also occur in relationships.”

“Domestic Violence is a pattern of abusive behavior used to gain or keep power and control over another person in a relationship. Domestic Violence includes intimate relationships, family members, ex-husbands, ex-wife, ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend. Domestic violence take can take on many forms and is not always easy to recognise.”

Domestic violence can include:

• Physical abuse

• Emotional abuse

• Financial abuse

• Sexual abuse

• Social abuse

• Verbal abuse

• Spiritual abuse

One of the reasons she is such a big advocate to end domestic violence is because of the negative impacts it can have on the children of the home.

“Whether children witness or experience abuse, it can take a toll on their development,” she said.

“Domestic violence victims are not isolated to intimate partners. Children are at an increased risk for emotional behavioral problems regardless if they were directly abused or not.

“Domestic violence is serious; it affects a large proportion of the population. The harm it causes can last a lifetime and span generations. The ultimate goal is to stop the violence before it begins and promote healthy, respectful, and nonviolent relationships and communities. It can be done through education and empowerment.”

Her comments came during a family empowerment seminar hosted by the Department of Gender and Family Affairs (DGFA), Ministry of Social Services, Information and Broadcasting (MOSSIB). The seminar was one of the highlights of National Family Week, currently underway. Last night, a men’s empowerment forum was held to provide men with a space to express their thoughts on the family, get professional advice, and gain new friends through camaraderie and male bonding.

These efforts to empower the Bahamian family will continue throughout the year, and will include a special campaign in partnership with the Bahamas Christian Council that will result in special church services for the family being hosted throughout the nation.

With constant prayers being raised and efforts undertaken to unite the family, Kim’s campaign to save the family through domestic violence awareness has taken on new wings.

“An abusive relationship can take on different methods of control, but the underlying themes are the same,” she advised.

“An abusive relationship involves one party using their power to prevent the other from doing anything except what the abuser wants.”

She pointed out some red flags of abusers to be aware of:

• Criticise or blame you for their wrong doing

• Sabotage your career/ school

• Abuses alcohol or drugs

• Isolates you from your family and friends

• Controls your movement

• Controls your finances

“The cycle of abuse describes a common four-part pattern that helps identify repeated behaviors within an abusive relationship,” she explained. “This pattern is not seen in all abusive relationships. However, when present, the cycle allows the abuser to continually maintain control and dominance over their partner.”

• Tension Phase - when external stressors such as financial problems, and issues at work begin to build for the abuser. Anger grows due to a feeling of loss of control, and can result in abrupt anger; annoyance or impatience; and aggression

• Incident Phrase - eventually, the built-up tension has to be released by the abuser to help them feel as though they have power and control again. They will then begin to engage in abusive behaviors such as: hurling insults or calling their partner names; threatening to hurt their partner, someone close to them, or pets; trying to control how their partner acts, dresses, cooks, and more; and manipulating their partner emotionally, which can take the form of targeting insecurities or lying and denying any wrongdoing.

• Calm Phase - when justifications or explanations are made to help both partners excuse the abuse. For example, an abusive partner might say they’re sorry but blame the abuse on outside factors such as their boss or work life to justify their actions.

• Reconciliation Phrase - the person who committed the abuse will try to make things right by offering gifts and being overly kind and loving. The reconciliation period is often referred to as a “honeymoon stage” because it mimics the beginning of a relationship when people are on their best behavior.

“Domestic violence survivors can face ongoing and challenging effects after enduring physical, mental, and emotional abuse,” Kim said.

“It can take time for a survivor to adjust to living in a safe environment, especially if a perpetrator was severely violent and/or committed the actions over an extended period of time.”

Physical effects:

• Chronic fatigue

• Shortness of breath

• Muscle tension

• Involuntary shaking

• Changes in eating and sleeping patterns

• Sexual dysfunction

• Menstrual cycle or fertility issues in women

Mental Effects:

• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), including flashbacks, nightmares, severe anxiety, and uncontrollable thoughts.

• Depression, including prolonged sadness Anxiety.

• Low self-esteem and questioning sense of self

Emotional and Spiritual:

• Hopelessness

• Feeling unworthy

• Apprehensive and discouraged about the future

Inability to trust

• Questioning and doubting spiritual faith

• Unmotivated

“There is never an excuse for domestic violence and it is possible to break the cycle of abuse,” Kim advised.

“Often, a partner’s abusive behaviors are viewed as isolated incidents instead of a repetitive pattern. Reconciliation and calm periods are believed to be the abuser at their most authentic self. While it can be difficult to change this thinking, it’s key to recognize that by participating in these stages the abuser is effectively regaining control over their partner.”

You can break the cycle by:

• Acknowledgement - First acknowledge there is one

• Intervention – Seek help

• Trust - Find someone you trust

• Professional Help - Find a counselor to talk to

• Rebuild - Start over

“If you find yourself in an abusive relationship, remember that it is not your fault and you do not deserve to be treated poorly,” Kim advised.

“It is important to seek help immediately and to stay away from your abuser. You don’t have to go through this alone.”

Her passion for the strengthening of the family comes from her own upbringing. Kim McGregor (nee Arthur) was born in New Providence to her late mother, Andrea Griffith, and Samuel Arthur. As the fourth child in her family, Kim’s upbringing instilled in her a strong sense of responsibility and compassion. She is happily married to Quincy McGregor Sr, with whom she shares six beloved children, a son-in-law, and two cherished grandsons.

While Kim’s childhood dream of becoming a police officer was not immediately realised after completing her high school education, she embarked on a journey that would eventually lead her to her desired career path. Through various roles as a sales clerk and supervisor, Kim honed her dedication and innate ability to assist and connect with people. On September 26, 2002, her lifelong aspiration of joining the Royal Bahamas Police Force was fulfilled.

In April 2018, Sgt McGregor was appointed as the National Neighborhood Watch Liaison Officer for the Eastern Division, where she played a pivotal role in fostering positive relationships between law enforcement and local communities. Her commitment to community engagement was further recognised in 2021 when she obtained certification as a youth leader from the Ministry of Youth Sports and Culture.

With over two decades of invaluable experience in law enforcement, Kim has accumulated a wealth of knowledge and expertise. She achieved her first promotion to the rank of Corporal in 2007, followed by a subsequent promotion to Sergeant in 2017. Throughout her tenure, Kim has served in various capacities at different stations and divisions, including the Airport Police Station (Western Station), Andros Division, Cable Police Station, Mobile Division, Eastern Division, and the National Neighborhood Watch.

Presently, she is dedicated to her role within the Domestic Violence Task Force Unit, where she finds fulfillment in supporting victims of domestic violence and raising awareness about this critical issue.

During the DGFA’s Family Empowerment Seminar, she made her presentation to those attending the event in the Hearing Room at the Ministry’s Headquarters on John F Kennedy Drive and Bethel Avenue. Family Islanders also tuned in via Zoom. Minister of MOSSIB Myles Laroda was on hand for the event, as well as Permanent Secretary Phedra Rahming-Turnquest and DGFA head, Deputy Permanent Secretary Melvelyn Symonette.

Wayne Miller also addressed the forum, speaking on “Positive Parent and Child Communication”. He spoke on the importance of spending quality time with children, and using that time to foster positive interactions that will impress on their memories and help mold their future.

Representing the Bahamas Psychological association was Dr Detra Bethel, who spoke about “The importance of Love in a Family”. She advised on how family members should show love to each other, because not all families show, experience, or have love. She explained the different love styles and encouraged attendees to find ways to show more love in their own families.

Kim joined this prestigious panel to round off an informative and engaging evening designed to elevate the Bahamian family. Beyond her professional endeavors, Kim takes pleasure in activities such as decorating, crafting, and gardening. However, her greatest joy comes from spending quality time with her cherished family, embodying her deep-rooted values of love and connection.