The Tribune

By FELICITY DARVILLE

THERE is a stigma attached to being divorced that is often unspoken. But it is felt by all who have undergone its sting. Families came together to witness your union. People expect that you made a good, conscious decision, and that you would be able to stick by that decision until death. If you have children, it can be especially frowned upon. But divorce happens, and those who experience it can find themselves in a lonely, difficult place.

Calliope Couchell-Wilson likens divorce to a hurricane. It can totally ravage your image; it can blow the roof off your persona; it can flood out your self confidence; and it can leave you feeling devastated and broken. But hope is not lost. For Bahamians, who know all too well about surviving hurricanes, they know that any storm can be overcome, and the sun will shine again.

Calliope wanted to reach out and touch those who are in this difficult space, and so she wrote a book that delves into her own experience, while providing sound and comforting advice. The book, Weathering the Hurricane of Divorce - Reflections of a Survivor is sure to help others weather their storms in life.

“Divorce’s ramifications are great and many,” Calliope said, “It rips people, families, and communities apart.

“It is the death and destruction of many things, without the usual coping mechanisms we have in death, such as funerals - formal mourning rituals, united community support and life insurance. There is blame and shame. Even if you didn’t initiate the divorce, people may ask if you did something to push your spouse to want a divorce. Close relationships are damaged when confidences shared between the formerly married couple are shared publicly. Every aspect of life and sense of identity is impacted.”

Divorce and separation don’t only come from marriage, Calliope explains. People can experience the loss of a close friendship, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a business partner, a career, or even a family member. She contends that each one of these are potentially as painful as the end of a marriage.

Calliope is a church girl. With a life so openly dedicated to the church and the work of Christ, she found her divorce to be incredibly challenging. However, it is her faith and devotion that pulled her through. She says that while no two relationships are alike, there are tools that anyone can use to help themselves heal … and even learn to love again.

Her book is candid and open and lays her heart bare. Calliope selflessly shares her own journey in order to help others weather their own storm. Chapters include topics like “Abandoning a Sinking Ship”; “Sharks and Shoals”; “Learning to Walk on Water”; “Laughing into the Wind and Dancing in the Rain”; “Onboarding New Passengers and Crew”; and “Admiring Rainbows” is a journey through her life and times. It is destined to make the reader feel every emotion she went through and find the information relatable to their own lives.

“Anyone who has experienced some aspect of brokenness, breakdown, or break-up - indeed, anyone who has undergone some form of death or divorce, whether personal or social, physical or spiritual - will immediately connect with the content of this book,” said Father John Chryssavgis in the foreword of the book.

“This book is easy to read, replete with simple yet profound insights, accompanied by theological and spiritual, prayerful and at the same time practical intuitions.”

“In her story, Calliope Couchell-Wilson offers an open and mature conversation, simultaneously an honest self-reflection and a sympathetic exchange with the reader. This book is a step-by-step survival kit for the stages leading through and following after divorce, underlining ways of inner growth without undermining moments of intense challenge. I can identify with Calliope, when she writes: “I cling to memories of answered prayers in dark days of questioning everything.” Memories of answered prayers are moments of divine grace, where we surrender to God’s love and God takes control.”

Calliope was born and bred in The Bahamas to a Scottish father and a Bahamian mother of Greek descent. From birth, she was actively involved in the life of the local Greek Orthodox Church, as well as in diverse family interests such as a mango farm, law firm, a catering company, and numerous artistic, sea-faring, and environmental conservationist activities.

After graduating high school from Queen’s College, Calliope pursued a Bachelor of Arts in Religious Studies at Hellenic College, Brookline, Massachusetts, where she graduated as valedictorian. It is an undergraduate programme that shares a campus with the Holy Cross Greek Orthodox Seminary.

She married a fellow classmate shortly after graduating college. The newlyweds settled in Charlotte, North Carolina, and had two beautiful daughters. Calliope supported various family business interests in Charlotte. She also became involved with the newly formed community of St Nektarios Greek Orthodox Church, where she served as a catechism teacher and youth group leader. Eventually, her dedication and enthusiasm led her to become a part of the Youth Advisory Board and Parish Council Secretary for the church. She also created and facilitated a Facebook Group, “Orthodox Christian Girl Talk”, which addressed the challenges of daily life for women and mothers.

But a hurricane swept in and significantly altered her life. In 2011, following her divorce, she returned to her homeland, The Bahamas with her daughters. After helping manage her family’s law firm for a few years, Calliope attained Advanced Diplomas in Anti-Money Laundering and Risk & Governance from the International Compliance Association, and she is currently the firm’s compliance officer and office manager. She continued to serve in the church - this time at home in the Greek Orthodox Church - as one of the heads of youth education and then as co-chair of Family Life Ministries.

These two strong pillars of her life path - a career at a law firm and more than two decades working in family life in her church - made her realise just how many people were weathering storms like she did and needed some tools to help them overcome.

In addition to helping people going through their own storms, she also sees the importance of helping family members, friends and even the society understand how to assist those going through difficult divorce and separation issues.

“By remembering we all stumble and fall, what is important is that we stand up again, and not to be an obstacle to someone regaining their feet,” she advised.

“Allow people time to process information and make their own decisions. Offer physical support, make sure those weathering a divorce have the basics they need - food, sleep, safety, and more. Read and share this book to better understand the divorce experience and the tools we can use to weather this storm.”

She overcame the hurricane of her divorce with great help from her church: “The Orthodox Church was a true beacon in the storm, offering the wisdom of many ages as guidance”.

But how does one know if they are not giving up on their marriage too early,or staying too long?

Calliope shared: “Each person must decide this for themselves, for each situation is different. Staying in a struggling marriage is hard, but so is divorce. There is no easy path, especially with children involved. When dealing with difficult relationships and making decisions, it is essential to judge a tree by its fruit, which may take time to be evident. Judge someone’s actions, rather than their words. Also ask yourself if your child or loved one were being treated in the manner in which you are, would you want them to tolerate this treatment?”

Every dark cloud has a silver lining, if you look close enough. That silver lining led to the sun streaming in and bringing a rainbow in Calliope’s life. She found love once again, got married in 2018, and gained a wonderful son in the process.

“It is important to be open to new, healthy relationships of all types,” she said.

“Friendship is part of the joy of life and what helps us get through the day. It is also important for our children to understand that healthy relationships are possible, and they are watching us. However, people have different scars and circumstances, I couldn’t bear to sit through a wedding ceremony immediately following my divorce, now years later I am happily married. It takes time, healing and courage to explore new relationships, and there is no set timeframe or finishline.”

Weathering the Hurricane of Divorce by Calliope Couchell-Wilson can be found on Amazon as a hardcopy as well as in Kindle format. It is also available at Logos Book Store, as well as Tanya Saunders Boutique in Harbour Bay; at Bahama Arts and Handicrafts on Shirley Street; and at the Greek Orthodox Church Bookstore on West Street, Nassau.