The Tribune

By IAN FERGUSON

Sometimes you get stuck in a rut with a colleague at work — a boss, a cow-worker, a direct report. Perhaps there is bad blood between you or you simply have not been getting on.

The good news is that even some of the most strained relationships can be repaired. In fact, a negative relationship turned positive can be a very strong one. Going through difficult experiences can be the making of the strongest, most resilient relationships, according to researchers. The bad news is that fixing a relationship takes serious effort, but the hard work is often worth it, especially in an environment where productivity and performance are at stake.

This week’s column focuses on how to improve relationships at work that have gone wrong, detailing nine steps to do this successfully.

1. Put yourself in the other person’s shoes. Empathy becomes crucial in resolving issues at work. Narcissistic behaviour only fuels discontent in the workplace. Soften your approach and try to understand where the other person is coming from.

2. Break the negative thinking cycle. The temptation is always to think negatively and to entertain negative thoughts from others. If relationships are going to be repaired, a deliberate effort to remain positive is needed.

3. Identify the smallest step you are prepared to make. Sometimes we have delusions of grandeur in repairing relationships that have been sour for extended periods of time. My suggestion is to take baby steps. One conversation at a time, and one kind gesture at a time.

4. Get outside support. Sometimes it becomes necessary to seek external support in resolving serious issues. A mediator with the mindset of bringing harmony to a situation becomes necessary, but not someone who will side with any one party.

5. Look for things in common rather than differences. Basic negotiation and mediation support requires that we collate and emphasise those things that bring us together rather than focusing on what has torn us apart.

6. Recognise what is happening. It is always necessary to see the bigger picture when conflicts arise. Think about what is being lost when we stay angry in our small corners. Perhaps it is the visitor experience or profits that are being adversely impacted.

7. Give up being right. Far too often we are more concerned with being right and making a villain out of the person on the other side. Considering our contribution to the breach is always helpful in the reconciliation process.

8. Look forward, not back. Seventy-five percent of the conversation should be not where we have been but where we are going. We all know how we got here, so let us talk about how to get away from here.

9. Re-establish trust and reciprocity. Do not try to convince the other person that you are trustworthy with rational arguments. Show it instead.

• NB: Ian R Ferguson is a talent management and organisational development consultant, having completed graduate studies with regional and international universities. He has served organisations, both locally and globally, providing relevant solutions to their business growth and development issues. He may be contacted at tcconsultants@ coralwave.com.