By ALICIA WALLACE

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and there has been little attention to it in The Bahamas. The Department of Gender and Family Affairs has been rather silent for months and months, seemingly doing very little and certainly not engaging nongovernmental organisations in a meaningful way. This month, one might have expected the Department, if not the Ministry of Social Services, to make a concerted effort to engage the public in conversations about domestic violence, the laws, policies, and services available to support survivors, and updates on the support that is not yet available.

Domestic Violence Awareness Month has been observed annualy since the first Day of Unity was held in October 1981. During this period, organisations share important information including the signs of domestic violence, survivor stories, resources for survivors, and law and policy needs. This year, the theme is “Heal, Hold & Center,” focusing on healing from experiences of violence, holding space for survivors, and centering the people who are most marginalised, particularly in efforts to address domestic violence. Search #HealHoldCenter to explore the posts that are being made this month, drawing attention to the pervasive issue that is domestic violence and calling for action to prevent it, intervene in it, and ensure that there is survivor-centered justice.

Awareness months can feel a bit one note and ineffective when they are not used by governments and nongovernmental organisations to create change. People are generally aware of domestic violence. It is not a secret. It is generally not a confusing term. The term is used often, and it appears in news media with far too much frequency. There are many reports of domestic violence that make it to newspapers and the airwaves, particularly in cases that go to court which, we know, is a small proportion cases. Still, domestic violence is often thought of as physical abuse and as a one-time event rather than a wider range of violent behaviors that are repeated and escalate. The first instances of domestic violence are often missed or, more accurately, dismissed as small, isolated events that will not happen again and will not lead to more severe forms of violence.

Domestic violence includes verbal abuse. Do you remember consistently being called names by your parents and guardians? How did you feel? How did it affect the way you saw yourself, the way you engaged with family members, and the way you moved in the outside world? Have you ever been in a relationship with someone who talked down to you, told you that you were worthless, and did everything they could to make you believe that no one would ever love you? These are words, and words do hurt. They do not only sting in the moment, but they stay with us for a long time, and it is difficult to break free of old beliefs that come from what people told us about ourselves.

Domestic violence can be perpetrated by and against any person in a household. It is not limited to people who are or have been in intimate relationships. A parent can be abusive to a child. A person can be abusive to their sibling, parent, or grandparent. A family can be abusive to live-in domestic workers.

Do you cling to the idea that these children “just need a cut hip”? Do you completely fail to communicate with your children, choosing to use shoes, belts, and other objects to “correct them”? Does a conversation about what is right, what is wrong, and consequences for actions seem like too much for you, and you’d rather reach for the nearest object or curse your children “into the ground”? Is your first instinct, when your children make mistakes or engage in bad behavior to cause them physical harm? If so, not only are you a perpetrator of domestic violence, but you have likely experienced it yourself and continue to use that negative, harmful experience to excuse your failure to see your children as human beings worthy of conversations rooted in love instead of anger, even when you need to discipline them. Recognise that this is a problem. This is not normal. This is not a way to raise healthy children who are able to communicate clearly, advocate for themselves, resolve conflict in nonviolent ways, and build healthy relationships and families.

It is difficult to leave behind practices that we have known our entire lives, especially when we think they give us power. Ruling by fear is much easier than engaging with love. It takes practice. For many, it requires professional help. Be encouraged to contact a mental health professional or call the Bahamas Crisis Centre to talk about this issue and how you can be a better parent. It will go a long way in helping your children to understand abuse, identify the signs quickly, and without conflating it with love, and have loving, respectful intimate partner relationships.

A common misconception about domestic violence is that it stay at home. Domestic violence, however, follows people to work. Perpetrators of domestic violence often closely monitor the people they abuse, show up announcements, and try to trap them. When survivors leave violence partners, they are at high risk. In most cases, they need to work and cannot afford to take time off. This is a vulnerability as the perpetrator knows where to find them. Co-workers may not be aware of the situation, and often offer information to the perpetrator because they know them to be the survivor’s partner. They may volunteer information about days off and times in and out of office, and may even give access to their workspace. Living in a small place, working in small businesses and small department, people become familiar with coworkers and get to know a bit about their personal lives. Because everyone is not always thinking about domestic violence, and because we spend so much time at work at coworkers become (pseudo-)friends, it easy for the lines to blur and inappropriate information sharing can take place.

In November 2022, The Bahamas ratified the International Labor Organization’s Convention 190, also known as C190, on Violence and Harassment in the World of Work. It has yet to be implemented. All businesses in The Bahamas need to read C190 as well as the accompanying Recommendation 206 to gain an understanding of their obligations to all workers. Domestic violence follows people to work, and the workplace should not make it easy for perpetrators to gain access or to further their abuse.

Domestic violence prevention and response is largely left to non-governmental organisations and individuals, many being untrained and unequipped. The private sector, too, must get involved. Prevention requires an understanding of the risk factors, not only for experiencing domestic violence, but being a perpetrator. It is not solely about teaching women and girls to see the early signs of domestic violence, but teaching men and boys to express their emotions in healthy, non-violent ways. It requires attention to the dynamics of Bahamian households and the violent practices that exist and have been normalised for generations. It requires training of all staff in the workplace. It requires awareness of the general public that comes with an impetus to take action to end domestic violence. Knowledge is power, and that power must be shared and leveraged to change laws, policies, environments, and behaviour. We have to change as a people.

RECOMMENDATIONS

1. The Resilience Myth by Soraya Chemaly. Feminist Book Club, hosted by Equality Bahamas and Poinciana Paper Press, is reading The Resilience Myth over the next few weeks and meeting to discuss it on Wednesday, November 20 at 6pm. In addition, Equality Bahamas will facilitate a conversation with the author, Soraya Chemaly, on Monday, November 25—International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. This is the opening event of the Global 16 Days Campaign event series by Equality Bahamas which, this year, is focusing on rage as a powerful force that can be used for good and (anti-)resilience, pushing back against the idea that we must all, individually, be strong and able to bounce back from disaster, violence, and trauma of various kinds. The Resilience Myth sets a great foundation for the conversations we will have during the Campaign, and Soraya Chemaly will challenge our thinking about character traits we deem positive and worthy of celebration while requiring them of everyone even, and especially, in the worst situations. The book is available in hardcover, ebook, and audiobook formats. Join book club at tiny.cc/fbc2024 and join the Equality Bahamas mailing list at equality-bahamas.ck.page to be the first to know about the Global 16 Days Events.

2. Donate an e-SIM to a Palestinian. To do this, download the Simly app at smily.io. Search for “Palestine”, select an option, and make the purchase. Screenshot the QR code that appears on your screen. Email that QR code to gazaesims@gmail.com. The 5GB option is a good one. More e-sims are urgently needs for people in the north of Gaza. If you are not able to complete this process, you can make a donation to Crips for eSIMs for Gaza—an initiative led by people with disabilities—at chuffed.org/project/crips-for-esims-for-gaza. For more information on eSIMs, go to connecting-humanity.org/donate.