By DIANE PHILLIPS

A few years back, some time around 2019, I think it was, the government of The Bahamas decided we should have addresses. Well, we probably already had addresses, we just did not know them, so they decided to formalise it.

It seemed like a good plan at the time. Being able to say 31 East Street South would simplify things instead of launching into a lengthy explanation of where you could be found that could pass for a history lesson and went something like this: “I by East Street jus’ a li’l ways south off Wulff Road, you know where the walk-up Wendy’s is what used to be a Jiffy Cleaners, yeah, long time ago, remember the orange and blue building, yeah, yeah, that’s the one, now it’s a Wendy’s, the one youse just walk up ta da’ window at, and across from Mr. Wilson’s shoe fix-it place. So da’ place is jus’ behind ‘dere in ‘da white building with ‘da yella trim what needs paintin’, I’ll be waitin’ fo’ ya. Wha’ time you say ya comin’?”

So you can see that 31 East Street South would be a lot easier. Not as lyrical, but easier.

Addresses would make it easier for BPL to find you, too, should the unthinkable happen and your power went off. BPL got smart way before the rest of us. Long before Google decided to map the modern world, BPL adopted its own address system, giving every pole a number, not that they would ever need it for the reason most people have addresses, like for mail or other in-person delivery but at least they would know what pole needed fixing if you could only describe what’s close to the pole so they know the address approximately without having to guess which big dilly tree you are telling them your home, now without benefit of light to help find it, is near.

Google map it

What is truly astounding is that even without addresses on buildings for long blocks at a time it is possible to find your way anywhere in New Providence using Google maps. Amazing, truly amazing, when you consider that most places, even though they got an address when they were giving them out, did not bother to post that information anywhere where Google could see it (or BPL or anyone else, for that matter).

And on top of that, or maybe it’s just me being confused, but it feels like the address system was designed by two different companies. Like one had the job of doing every building on the east side of the road and the other on the west, or one on the north and the other on the south, because in some places the addresses seem like they crisscross or one is smaller than the other when it is farther away from what you thought was a starting point.

Like how could the British Colonial be One Bay Street and another building a block west also boast One Bay Street? Speaking of One, how many places choose what feels like it should be an address for a name? One Ocean. One Marina Place. One Cable Beach by the way the Google address for which is HGW+6FH. Can you just us see us as a family on a Sunday drive – honey, let’s go to HGW+6FH, maybe they have one of those beautiful condos for sale.

Nobody ever says if that’s One, maybe the building next door should be Two. Nope, they just march on and find another name. It’s no wonder this address thing has us confused.

If one address is good…

They say some places have an abundance of addresses because the developer had assigned them one before the official system decided to kick in and provide another. So while some people never did get an address, others now have two.

Rumour has it that some folks in Sandyport have two addresses for the same residence. I can just hear the conversation now, “Hello, BPL, this is 37, I mean 53, or you can say 53 but it’s really 37….do they end up describing like we did before, ‘turn by da corner by dat big dilly tree…”

Addresses could be handy if a) if numbers were posted on most, if not all, buildings and b) we knew where the numbers originated so the progression would make sense and we would know if we were headed in the right direction.

Take Bar 20 corner, for instance, whatever that stands for, but you know where it is on Mackey Street. Actually, it is called Parkgate Avenue further east but understanding the numbering system is like trying to solve the rubik’s cube unless they switch at Kemp Road and move up and down from there, but then what does that do to thinking that One Bay Street is the beginning of the numbering system?

Even Google must be confused. Just the other day there was a car with a big Google sign on top driving through New Providence, either trying to find its way around or more likely, updating information.

Realistically, addresses are actually a good thing and a government could rightly say “We brought you addresses” and not invite any sort of argument from the Opposition, if only we understood how the address system worked.

There’s never been a lot of pressure to worry about getting addresses or getting the address system to work in our favour because we don’t have mail delivery except to post office boxes and they could soon be a thing of the past. When’s the last time you checked your mail or worried you were missing something important someone had mailed to you because you had not checked your box since COVID restrictions were lifted?

Yup, addresses could be handy if we bothered to post the numbers we were assigned. But there is something lyrical about describing 31 East Street South in 100 words or less and lapsing into a conversation about how that neighbourhood used to be back in the day before life took a turn for the simpler that turned out to be confusing and we wanted to rely on numbers we hunt and seek.

And the numbers continue to climb

There are now 17, count them, 17 signs blocking the view of Montagu Bay. How dare they? The crass, commercial out-of-control signage that increasingly blocks one of the last open pieces of waterfront in New Providence continues to grow and fester like a cancer that kills. Kills the view. Kills the sense of peace and tranquility.

Plaudits to the brave individual who erected a small sign that suggested economic boycott of those companies who think their names and their shallow messages are more important than your right to view Montagu Bay.

There is a place for proper signage. The waterfront is not one of them. As someone whose profession touches marketing, I am astounded that companies do not understand the reverse impact improper placement of a message can have, like trying to sell weed to a Sunday school class of six-year-olds.

So where should businesses be advertising or positioning their goods or services? Here’s a professional’s view - on bus stop benches and shelters, on moving vehicles, including wraps on jitneys, on their company vehicle in a dignified style, on tour vehicles, in print, on TV or radio and definitely in social media, banner ads, L-shaped, or in any format that companies like BahamasLocal can blast.

Use Google ads. Tell your story in a press release. Host an event. Create a signature-something that is your trademark. Use digital ad space in appropriate places, indoor at LPIA, for instance, or on Shirley Street in Nassau and in front of Town Centre in Old Fort Bay, but not in residential areas or places so clogged that signage instead of being attractive merely adds to the look of clutter and junk begging to be removed.

Find a suitable influencer or two or more as your conduit, actively delivering your message in non-traditional environments. Use the best tool of all – provide a great product or service and incentivise loyalty and word-of-mouth from satisfied clients and customers. Nothing is more powerful than the spoken word.

But don’t litter, clutter or block the view of Bahamian waters anywhere. Those views must be held sacrosanct.

I just wonder if those who choose to clutter for commercial gain understand their abuse of the environment by means of billboard blasphemy can backfire as drivers subconsciously vow not to do business with those entities who do not care about what they do to our right to open spaces and views of beautiful waters.

Thank you to the individual who sent the photo suggesting a boycott. Whoever you are, please contact me. We can stop this if enough people care and clearly people do because as of this writing, more than 330 have signed the petition opposing the signage on Montagu Foreshore. Thank you to whoever started that. Let’s unite to build up the pressure until the disastrous mess that never should have been there in the first place comes tumbling down and we can see the clear blue waters of the bay by day and lit by the moon at night.